Friday, November 30, 2012

Long Over Due... the Ups and Downs of Being a Gestational Carrier

Hello, I'm not sure if you remember me?

My name is Chelsea and I am a Gestational Carrier.

Oh you do remember me??  Ok..Great!

SO!  I left off not knowing where or when we would start again...

In November, I began my birth control pills at the end of my October cycle.  We were shooting for a December 4th transfer.  During my pills, BayLeigh got sick and we were at the hospital with her a lot and I ended up being late on three pills (took them the same day.. however, not at the right time).  I started to have some spotting the next week (right before I was supposed to start my lupron shots) and called to let them know before I started the shots.  I began the shots and the spotting subsided.  I went in on the 20th for a baseline ultrasound and was NOT cleared for the transfer.  A follicle had already started to form (a little house for an egg..) in a nutshell my own body started it's cycle and didn't suppress my hormones or eggs and since we aren't using my eggs that's no good.  There's a 5-10% chance of this happening anyway- between the shots and the pills not suppressing enough... it could be an after effect of the miscarriage, a fluke, or due to the late birth control pills.  Anyway, they scheduled me for another ultrasound for yesterday and bloodwork to see if the extra week of lupron helped... and it did not.  So I am a no go for my Dec. 4th transfer.

Ok.. I read the above portion and it sounded very, well.... emotionless?  Not heartfelt?  Truth is.. I haven't been blogging because I've been a tiny bit discouraged.  I would like this SO bad for this wonderful couple and I know M & M want it so bad as well.  I want the most IDEAL variables in the next transfer so yes, I'm ok with it being postponed, but it is still a bit discouraging.  I promise to blog more in the future (after all I promised the raw real story).
So here are my feelings:
I know it's not my fault, but however, anytime you are trying to do something for someone and it's your own body- other surrogates will understand me saying this, I feel like it is my fault sometimes.

Next step?
We are waiting for my December cycle to pass and then starting up again on the pills on the first day of the January cycle making for a possible February transfer.  (Oct/Nov due date time frame)

Now... I have been pretty quiet not only because my own circumstances and journey, but because of some of my fellow surrogate friends' journeys as well.  I have had friends have amazing twin births, singletons, and great experiences, wonderful miracles for their IP's and great relationships form.  However, lately, there has been a lot of tears and heartache among us.  We have had still births, miscarriages, broken ribs from twins, one live twin one still twin, a medical emergency that threatened a surrogate's life and resulting in a radical hysterectomy, negative beta results (failed transfers), absorbed pregnancies... you name it I think I've heard of it.  When it happens to one of us it ripples to us all. It is hard to not get discouraged, so I wanted to make sure before I used this blog as an outlet I was in the right mindset to do so.

I believe in this calling, I believe in what we are doing, and most of all I believe in our amazing God who has blessed us with this ability.  I ask that you pray for the gestational carriers I call my friends, or sisters.  Thank you to all who read this blog and are curious or excited about this journey.  I honestly believe the trials we go through make us stronger and can be used for a greater good.  I was called by a friend who was experiencing the spotting and similar symptoms I had been going through before the miscarriage and able to talk with her and help counsel.  Without that experience I wouldn't have been able to do that.  I have a bigger heart for M & M then I ever could have thought possible.  So, you will hear from me again... sooner rather than later.

As for M & M they are as to be expected, disappointed.  We were hoping for a Christmas wish come true, they have waited so long already!  But- we are taking it one step at a time.. :)  Thanks for the prayers friends!

Until we meet again!