Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Rollercoaster Ride Since March

Hello, in case there are any of you left out there.... curious as to what has been going on in our journey...

Pardon me while I take out a broom to knock down all the cobwebs around here!!

Ahem... that's better.....

Ok.  Although it has been quiet on the blogfront, it hasn't been quiet in the baby making world... a lot has happened since March!  So... here goes.

In May we started back up again... pills, lupron, blood work, ultrasounds... estrace.. Progesterone (HUGE SHOTS THIS TIME, TWICE A DAY... OUCH!!!)  everything went through with flying colors!  I went into Chicago on June 18th and had a wonderful dinner catching up with M & M... we woke up bright and early and had a 10am transfer on the 19th.  We enjoyed lunch together and I went home to WAIT.... and wait I did... until I started peeing on sticks..
I peed, and I peed, and I peed.... and I kept seeing one line.... Negative.

I tried to stay positive thinking.. it's just too soon... I bought the digital read out one- thinking it was more accurate... I even listened to stories about other GC (Gestational Carriers) whom had negative hpt (home pregnancy tests) up until their beta!  I went in for the beta test on July 1 and unfortunatly it was negative.  I sent my IP's a text expressing my love and apologies... I haven't heard back yet- but I don't blame them at all!!  I feel a little defeated as well.

I was told by the clinic to start bc (birth control pills) once my cycle started... even though they weren't sure whether we were proceeding or stopping..  My cycle literally came two days later... so I started pills again on July 4. 

I received a phone call shortly after, again expressing how important it was to start up those pills... I took that as a good sign and cried a littler (mostly I am thinking due to my major hormone imbalance for abruptly stopping estrogen and progesterone... my poor body doesn't know whether its coming or going) but also I think because of a happy, yet worried mindset.

......... side note, I totally know I am not using proper punctuation in this blogpost... literally just typing as my brain is flowing so don't critique me please ;).......

Ok... where were we... ok TODAY i get all my prospective dates- I start shots again next wednesday go off bc on the 23... ultrasound on the 26th... yada yada yada.... baseline on... and then I hear it.  Transfer date... August 9th.

August 9th..

Of the 365 days of the year it had to be August 9th.


August 9th is our first transfer date... last year.. and YEAR to the day.... two embryos were transferred and one took... giving us a wonderful positive beta.... however, Sept 8 we miscarried at 6 weeks.  This transfer date will have the exact same prospective due date as the first...

A blow.... a sign.... positive or negative who knows... but it has been on my mind and won't leave it.

So.. there you have it.. the rollercoaster ride of a Gestational Carrier... the highs and lows....

I don't regret a single thing... I only pray for God's will... and that this is the one...