Transparently Raw... went out the window?? ......Failure......

Well...  It's been over a year now!


No, not nice I have updated this... ( I haven't been THAT bad ) since we've been matched with M&M.

Aloof?  I have been rather aloof...  Well here goes nothing.  I will start talking and opening up again because someone out there has got to hear this, needs to hear this....

After failed attempt number...  2.  2 and  a half??  1) miscarriage 2) November meds / transfer suppression not reached  3) Feb/Mar suppression was not reached and then it was!  And then my lining was nice and thick and ready for a transfer and all of a sudden BAM!  Uterine polyps.   Really!?  Was all I could muster...

What did this mean?   Well it meant no transfer the following week... It meant yet another road block... And it meant both myself and M&M had a lot of thinking and decision making to do.

I decided I would have surgery to remove and biopsy and hopefully mend and heal and move on and forward with surrogacy...  With hopes M&M were wanting to as well.  M&M seem on board and...

I had surgery Wednesday.  A little more extensive than I thought it was going to be... I was fully knocked out .. Breathing tube and all...  All I remember is waking up to my hips hurting like a son of a gun. Being up in those stirrups for the surgery and my tongue and throat are very sore from the tube... My stomach region and lady business is fine actually.  I go back Tues April 2 for post op and results... I am praying and believing in good news!

Where do I stand with this... Well it's all quite depressing.  I feel like a huge failure... I know that God is faithful and sovereign but knowing and accepting are two different things.  The urge to be in control and put it on my timeline and all pretty in my box is conflicting with the all powerful, omnipresent, all knowing God.  Please pray for my overall health, patience, peace, and perseverance during this valley....

Please pray for M&M who have already waited so long for their dream of a family to come true...

Thank you to my loyal readers who have asked after me so much...

I am on the mend... Now I need to get the results do I can refocus and get back on track.

Good results mean about two months of normal cycles and then meds again.  So Mar and Apr no meds and May meds June transfer... Give or take!